Parental Control: Step-parents have voices too!

There is no doubt that children are the most affected when one or both of the biological parents form a relationship with someone new. After all, children are forced to deal with many emotions surrounding the formation of a blended family. While the well-being of children should be nurtured at all times, maintaining an open dialog and supportive connection among both partners is especially important as well. However, you may find that it's more challenging to tend to the relationship in a blended family because of the needs children require, unlike that of the relationship where children reside with both biological parents.

One crucial area that requires attention as you grow as a blended family is the need for continuous communication between the live-in biological and stepparent when making parental decisions. However, there are factors that tend to overshadow the immediate need for bio parents to seek the inclusion of stepparent when making parental decisions.

For relationships where bio parents have spent several years parenting as the single mother and father, the idea or need to include stepparents when making parental decisions, could be innocently overlooked. In most instances when you have the one parent playing the role of mother and father, that parent has become conditioned to being the only authority figure in the home. A parent, who is used to making decision as both the mom and dad, may see not benefit or necessity in obtaining their mates opinion during decision making times.

Another factor that hinders some bio parents from seeing the importance of including the stepparent in making parental decisions is the guilt. Bio parents tend to carry guilt as a result of the child having to experience the absence of the other parent. Parents who carry this feeling, tend to assume a protective role over their children, and typically refrain from including the non-bio parent in the decision making process. What many bio parents may not realize is there is a distinct difference between respecting and vocalizing your partners opinions and views on parenting. While your notion to refrain from projecting the views and opinions of stepparents onto your children maybe on target, the decisions you make as two household leaders behind closed doors is all together different.

Just think, who really gets involved in any capacity of life with the idea that their rational won't be heard nor considered. As a stepparent, I'm certain one doesn't sign up to serve as parent figure so that their thoughts and suggestions would go unacknowledged.

Try discussing parental matters with your partner/spouse, and you may find that your mate not only feels included and appreciated for their thoughts and suggestions, but finally feel acknowledged as a parent figure within the home.

So the next time you and your partner find time to talk without the children around, communicate to one other how you feel about being included or not included when parental decisions are made. With a little introspective thinking in the mix, you should be good to go!