Co-parenting with your Ex-partner (I know, I know, but we have to do it for the kids!):

Based on research, extremely negative relationships between ex-partners has a negative impact on the well being of the child, and on your current relationship as well. It is also said that the quality of the existing relationship is ENHANCED when both of the ex-partners communicate UNEMOTIONALLY (i.e. a "professional-like" manner) Keeping it business, keeps the thin line from breaking! :-)

Tips on effective co-parenting:

• SHOW SUPPORT to the other parent on goals they may set for the child.
• HONOR any arrangements made.
• FOLLOW-UP with the other parent if unable to FULFILL COMMITMENTS.
• MAINTAIN RESPECTFUL BOUNDARIES for the ex-partners personal life.
• ACTIVELY SUPPORT YOUR CHILD'S connection to the other parent (regardless of personal feelings).

The Child's WELL BEING should always come 1st!!


A well informed family makes a HAPPIER and STRONGER family!

~The Stepfamily GURU~


For questions or advice, please email: ask@stepfamilyguru.com

Tired of conflict between with EX causing conflict between you and your mate??

Conflict between separated parents is a very common phenomenon, one might even say it is the 'norm'. In the long-run, the PARENT CONFLICT IS INEVITABLY DETRIMENTAL TO THE CHILDREN'S EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING. OK, I guess it's fair to say that some CAUSES OF CONFLICT are straightforward and obvious such as disagreements over child visits, child support payments and child-rearing methods.

Studies found in most cases there are underlying reasons for conflict beneath these issues. These include suspicion over motives--For example, one parent decides a couple days before the other parent's wedding that they are going out of town to visit family, and would like for the child to visit as well. Naturally, the parent who is having the wedding assumes that the other parent is being malicious in their attempt to keep the child away. UNFORTUNATELY IT'S THE CHILDREN WHO GET PULLED AROUND, AND FEEL TORN BETWEEN TWO PARENTS.

Reasons your mate may be frustrated:

Your mate would probably rather give your EX a piece of their mind, but refrain from doing so in effort to keep the situation from escalating.

Most likely if your mate witnesses this type of struggle between you and the ex, they're frustrated with seeing your frustration because they care about you. Think about it, the time spent arguing and building up frustration with your ex only makes you emotionally unavailable to your current partner at those moments. And most importantly DO YOU REALLY THINK YOUR EX IS WORTH TWO MINUTES OF YOUR THINKING TIME?? That's why he/she is most likely the EX! (lol)

- Does your mate suggest strategies in effort to help you resolve the issue and you shoot them down?

- Has your mate mentioned to you that you "need to put your foot down or need stop being overly passive", but you have a habit of shutting them down?

If so, the next time your mate makes a suggestion or gives their opinion, be sure to TRY and listen openly. Also, think of them as an innocent bystander giving you constructive criticism. Remember your mate is supposed to be a help in your life, so let them. EVEN IF YOU DECIDE NOT TO TAKE THEIR ADVICE, explain why with an open heart. This will make your mate feel that they are being heard. And also let them know that you value their opinions & suggestions enough to take the time out to address them.

COUPLES...be sure to always, always, ok as much as possible (lol) perform a MOOD CHECK before having serious discussions with one another. You want to assure that the moment will not be tainted with resentments, up-sets from early in the day, etc.


A well informed family makes a HAPPIER and STRONGER family!

~The Stepfamily GURU~

Step-parent/Parent Marriage Tip: The "One Minute" Secret

This successful marriage tip is all about focus. When you both return home after a day of work, before you do anything else, spend 60 seconds sharing a hug and a kiss, looking into each other’s eyes, and talking. If you’re the first one home, when your spouse arrives, stop what you’re doing and give him or her 60 seconds of affection and attention.

This marriage tip is powerful because of the effect that occurs between you and your partner on a subconscious level. It soothes your subconscious to press your bodies together and focus on each other for a full 60 seconds (and that’s longer than you think). It says warmth, home, love, and security in a very primal way.

Even if you and/or your partner may have started the morning off singing the blues (we have all had one or few of those mornings :0) ..When you come home, and drop those bags, make sure your next will be putting your best foot forward to at least give him/her a peck on the lips and ask how their day was.

As time goes on, putting this tip into practice will become 2nd nature to you and/or your partner!

A well informed family makes a HAPPIER and STRONGER family!

~The Stepfamily GURU~

Stepparent Tip: Take your stepchildren along the next time you go shopping!

Allowing your stepchild(dren) to be apart of your gift buying ideas and process can be both a learning and bonding EXPERIENCE..

Asking your stepchild's opinion on gift ideas will make their opinions feel needed, and it makes them feel included. Using your everyday life occurrences can be used as an opportunity to mentor and bond with your stepchild. By having your kids participate in the gift your buying process, you will pass along your knowledge on how to show gratitude and appreciate towards things they appreciate, and teach them decision making, time management, and how to be a smart shopper.

Every family figure has the power to build legacies that will be enjoyable for the entire family to reflect back on!

A well informed family makes a HAPPIER and STRONGER family!

~The Stepfamily GURU~

Stepfamily Tip: Remember that your marriage comes first!!

The success of your stepfamily depends on the quality of the marriage between the spouses who head it. Fortunately, a blended family can help mend the hurts of a past divorce for adults and children alike by establishing a new marriage that works especially well. Researchers say blended families offer lots of opportunities for the kinds of unselfish acts upon which strong marriages are built, day by day. Virtually all couples experience some letdown during the first year or two of marriage, when they realize a new partner is not going to conform to every expectation. Constructively dealing with the tensions and disappointments that dog every marriage requires hard work, but it's crucial for the health of your stepfamily. Present a united front as a couple to the children, even if it means saying you'll have to talk things over between yourselves before getting back to them with a decision.

Stepfamilies are not addressed, assessed nor counted. The numbers tell the story:

- 1300 new stepfamilies are forming every day.
- Over 50% of US families are remarried or re-coupled.
- Stepfamilies will be the most prevalent type of family by the year 2010.
- 75% complain of "not having access to resources as a stepfamily," according to a recent Stepfamily Foundation survey of 2000 web questionnaires.

Imagine how much the families in Urban communities will suffer by not having the financial means to provide the reources that will keep their families together, such as therapy, purchasing literature, etc.

We can no longer hide if we want our families to flourish and build legacies.